Grumpy is as grumpy does

Do you know someone who is perpetually grumpy and unhappy about the world? Have you puzzled over a suitable gift for that person?

The International Society of Curmudgeons offers a lovely personalized Certificate of Curmudgeonry for just $4. I'm certain that I don't need to tell you that your thoughtful gift will not be appreciated and neither will it brighten the curmudgeon's day, but that's hardly the point, is it? It's the recognition that matters.

Your acknowledgement of their contribution to the lives of those around them may be rewarded with nothing but yet another scornful look and muttered imprecation, but so what?

This truly is an occasion where it is the thought that counts.

Tired or hungry?

I certainly don't want to dissuade you from buying that certificate, but it is only fair to mention that there can be reasons for grumpiness. We certainly all know that not getting enough sleep can put us out of sorts and make us irritable. We'll sometimes ask a grump if they "got out of the wrong side of the bed" (a phrase that actually originated with bad luck rather than grumpiness, by the way, but bad luck can make you grumpy too).

Apparently there is good reason for being irritable about losing sleep. A study at the University of California showed visible differences in brain function after sleep deprivation.

Even dieting can cause tendencies to snarl at other people, and not just because you are hungry. Another study indicated that low carbohydrate intake can cause grumpy feelings.

Irritable Male syndrome

I thought that might be a joke when I first read it, but no, this is documented science and it is not just humans. Scientists have observed this in deer, sheep and even elephants. As testosterone levels drop, irritability may increase.

There is some compensation, though. High levels of testosterone are linked to male pattern baldness (not just in humans - lions and other animals too). Though not actually offered as a choice, "your libido or your hair" seems to be a rule for men and either choice could certainly be seen as cause for grumpiness.

Menstrual cycles and hot flashes

Women have their own hormonal issues to deal with and when those go away, they often get replaced by hot flashes. By the time those have run their course, arthritis might have settled in and you can count yourself lucky if you found a few years between where there was nothing to turn your mood sour.

Life sure can be a bowl of cherries, right?

Pain

Nagging pain is one of the more common and forgivable reasons for grumpiness.

My inspiration to write this article actually was triggered because I had to deal with annoying pain just yesterday. Now and then I experience bouts of what is called atypical trigeminal neuralgia. This is sometimes called "the suicide disease" because it can be both unrelenting and acute, but mine is not particularly severe or constant. It's just an ache at the side of my left eye that occasionally ripples downward in an arpeggio of needle like bursts and generally makes most of the left side of my face sensitive to touch. I usually just ignore it, pushing it down below my conscious attention.

Yesterday it did not want to be pushed down, probably because it arrived on the heels of a migraine episode. I confess that it made me grumpy. I spent a good part of the day sitting on the couch pressing a heating pad against my face and cursing whatever genetic heritage gifted this to me.

Of course there were still things that needed to be done and making up our bed was one of them. I delayed that far longer than normal, but eventually, with a mighty sigh intended to arouse sympathy from the gods of pain, I got up and went back to make the bed.

You might think that I gave that task a cursory performance, but no, that was not the case. While I might usually do the bare minimum except when changing sheets, here I tore everything off and put it all back with great precision, smoothing out every wrinkle and tugging at every corner as though it would be inspected by an angry Army sergeant.

A study of grumpy people by a Professor Forgas might make sense of that. He found that grumpiness "promotes information processing strategies". Apparently, grumpy people may do better at detail oriented tasks.

If that's true, it might explain why I generally do poorly at such tasks: I'm usually NOT grumpy or unhappy. It does perhaps suggest that a "bad day" might actually be a good day to approach some job that does require focus and attention to detail. That seems contrary to common sense, but it might still be true.

So cheer up! Or rather, don't cheer up. There may be benefits to grumpiness!

Serious grumpiness

Seriously, someone who really is perpetually grumpy may need medical or psychological help. This is not a good place to be and could indicate serious underlying issues. This is sometimes particularly true for men, as we like to reject illness by refusing to acknowledge it. It's not just that we are clueless idiots (that does help, though). Society molds us to be the "strong" ones, responsible for our family. We can't be sick because a sick person can't protect and provide.

This is why men avoid doctors and why I will almost never tell my wife if I am in pain or sick. Men do not want to be seen as weak, not because of pride, but because we feel that other people are depending on us to be strong. Mothers will put on the same charade for their children, of course, but men seem to be pulled into the role more strongly.

I know that I need to be more honest about health problems. I actually did share my discomfort with my wife yesterday and our world did not fall apart. If you are a man accustomed to stoic suffering, I'd advise you to rethink your behavior. We live in a different world today; your partner is not incapable of strength.

Grumpy is as grumpy does. A little grumpiness in our lives is fine, but a lot is a sign that something is wrong. Think about that and if the shoe fits, do something about it.