Failure is not in my vocabulary

"Failure is not an option" is firmly associated with the Apollo 13 Moon mission. That's because the phrase was used in a movie version; it never came from those involved with the actual project.

They might not have disagreed with the sentiment, though. It's the sort of gung-ho, get-er-done optimism that has inspired many. I see nothing wrong with that.

Some people will insist that they will never give up - that they will always pursue their goals, no matter how many times they have been thwarted and no matter how unlikely their success may seem. Some of them eventually reach their goal and may even become another inspirational story for others. I think that's great, too.

Sadly, though, many will not reach their goals. Even the most optimistic may eventually have to admit defeat. Wanting something badly isn't necessarily enough. Circumstance, skills and plain old luck can work for you or against you. Failure may not be an option, but it certainly can be reality.

You might have the wrong goal

Do you want to be rich? Powerful? Retired? Do you want to own a boat, a house, an airplane?

If your goals look anything like that, you have the wrong goal.

I only have one goal in life: to be happy.

Everything else is just turns in a maze. If one path leads to a dead end, I'll take another. I didn't "fail" if one corridor in the maze didn't lead to the cheese - the cheese of happiness is still there somewhere.

In fact, this "cheese", is something we accumulate along the way. The maze of life offers us many places to pick up bits of happiness. Yeah, that's corny as all get out, but it's still true.

I've owned three businesses; two of them failed, but here I am, twenty years later, being happy. If the third had also failed, I'd still be here and I'd still be happy because I would have found some way to be so.

You could look at that the wrong way. You could say that I had two business failures but because I kept trying, I finally succeeded. That's not it. My goal wasn't to own a business. My goal was happiness. That's where I succeeded and the business was only one possible path to it. I would have found another had that one been blocked.

Many people foolishly forget the real goal. They think their goal is "make money" or "be the President". It isn't. Everyone's real goal is the same as mine: be happy. Understanding your real goal is the first step toward success.

Happiness accumulates

Many, many things have contributed to my happiness. Some were fortuitous accidents, some were shepherded by me. I've "lost" happiness now and then - the death of a friend, for example. But that's rare. In general, happiness accumulates.

Does unhappiness accumulate? Perhaps so, but with so many places to seek happiness, it should usually be possible to offset that and bury it thoroughly. That is true, however, only if you are truly pursuing happiness rather than having it confused with something like money, possessions or even the affections of a particular person.

It is also true that false unhappiness dissipates when you realize what your true goal is. Let's say, for example, that you are "unhappy" because you failed to become a millionaire before you were thirty. If you accept that becoming a millionaire was only one path in the maze and that happiness still lies sprinkled all through it, that false unhappiness floats away. It was just a path. It hit a dead end. There are other paths.

It's not rose colored glasses

I know, this sounds suspiciously like that "Always look on the bright side of life" song, doesn't it?

No, that's not what I mean. Sure, count your blessings, look for the silver lining, that's all fine and good advice. Don't dwell on the bad, yes, but more important is to understand that real goal of happiness and be aware of the myriad chances you have to accumulate it.

The silver lining may not be there. There may be no cheese at the end of the corridor you've been scampering down. That's reality and it would be idiotic to deny it. But always remember that the goal is cheese, not the corridor in the maze.

Failure is, of course, still an option. You might not accumulate any happiness in your life no matter how you search. That happens to some and it is tragic when it does. Not every maze has enough cheese in it and not every one of us will find it even if it is there.

Knowing what you are actually looking for certainly can help avoid that, though.